Please forgive me if I cry a little.

Today, I feel unfocused. I should have plenty of things to do but I can’t think what they are. My Grandmother is dying. Sometimes I feel like my life is full of days spent waiting for things to happen to me and around me. Today I’m waiting. I’m waiting for news from our estate agent and I’m waiting for news from the rest home.

I’m waiting for something to prompt me to action. There’s an awkward period when someone is in their last days. When do you go? How do you get there? Can I make it down there at all?

I remember, recently, my sisters and I were looking through some old photographs with Mum. The only photographs that I remember at this moment are the portraits of Grandma. They were taken when she was a young nurse. Just head and shoulder shots. In some of them she wore her nursing uniform, in others she didn’t. They were quite formal and she looked a bit stiff, or, at least, not at ease. But I’m glad she had them taken. I imagine they were poignant then for my sister who became a nurse. They’ll be special for all of us now.

I think I have a snapshot somewhere of my last visit to her. I’m not sure where to find it though. I guess if I keep looking it’ll turn up. Then, perhaps, I’ll make a special album page just for her.

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4 Comments to “Please forgive me if I cry a little.”

  1. I love this post. So simple, to the point and filled with emotions. My grandmother’s health is deteriorating quickly. At 43, I feel blessed she is still around. Having dementia, she doesn’t remember a lot and since I live 8 hours away, I dont talk to her anymore. Phone calls only confuse her more. I feel I am already greiving for her loss, but I know when the day comes to say a final good-bye, I am no where near prepared. My thoughts are with you.

    • Thanks Tina. I live many hours away from my grandmother also and her health problems make it difficult to communicate with her. So, we are praying for her and doing the best we can to make sure she is well cared for from a distance while we look into our travel options. I hope you have a nice photograph of your grandmother to treasure. If not, it mightn’t be too late to organise.

  2. I feel your pain and I wish there was something I could say to ease your heart. Enjoy the time you have left with her and help her to remember all the good times. Laughter and love goes a long way.

  3. Thanks Jim. We farewelled her earlier this month. I was very happy to see that one of aunts has been scrapbooking old photographs of both Grandma and Granddad. We don’t always think of the photos we take as being of interest to other people, but their photographs are being carefully preserved for subsequent generations.

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